Do you know there is more than one way to cheat on your spouse? One type of cheating that we talk little about is financial cheating or financial infidelity. Financial infidelity can hurt your partner as much as emotional or sexual infidelity.
In this post, we are talking about financial infidelity and its various aspects.
What is Financial Infidelity?
Before we dive into this topic, it is essential to understand the difference between financial dishonesty and financial infidelity. While the two terms mean the same thing, i.e. lying to your spouse about money, financial infidelity can have adverse consequences on your financial and relationship aspects.
Financial dishonesty can be the ‘little white lies’ that you tell your partner about the money that you are earning or spending. Be careful if you are financially dishonest as it can quickly turn into financial infidelity.
Financial infidelity is simply the act of dishonesty about financial matters between you and your spouse. It can be lying or hiding money-related issues. It could be parking money in a different savings account, getting loans, opening credit cards, or making large purchases without the spouse’s knowledge. It can also be lending money without telling your partner.
Why Do People Financially Cheat Their Partners?
We need to consider that most couples don’t intentionally want to hide their debt or expenditures. It depends a lot on their upbringing and what money lessons their parents gave them. Most people don’t find it necessary to disclose debt or their income to their partner as they see it as a very personal matter.
Here are a few red flags that you can look out for if you think your spouse is hiding something from you.
- Your spouse doesn’t want you to know anything about money and bills.
- Your spouse becomes defensive and refuses to discuss family finances.
- You feel your partner is hiding financial matters from you.
- Your husband/wife has lied to you about finances in the past.
- You see a drastic change in your spouse’s spending patterns.
How to Recover From Financial Cheating?
It is natural to get hurt after finding out that your spouse has financially cheated on you. However, it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.
Here’s how you can recover from financial cheating:
Communicate with your partner
Proper communication can solve many of our problems. Talk to your partner about your feelings about being lied to or lying about financial matters. Describe how it makes you feel. E.g., if your partner has lied to you, you may feel betrayed or angry. On the other hand, you may have lied to your spouse because of embarrassment or guilt. Make sure that your partner is aware of your feelings.
You can set up a short weekly discussion on your finances that can include financial goals, money issues and bills.
Plan your way forward
The next step is to plan your way forward. If it is a financial mess, discuss what you can do to move on from the present situation. You can take professional help as well.
You and your partner can arrive at a common consensus regarding the amount of money you want to allocate towards the different segments, such as needs, wants and investments.
Let go of some financial independence
Letting go of some of your financial independence may not be easy. But if you are the one behind the financial mess, surrendering some of your financial freedom can be a move in the right direction. Your partner can hold the reins until your finances are back on track.
It is wrong to hide financial matters from your spouse. It can lead to a big financial mess. The best way is to come clean and accept your mistakes. Proper communication, setting time aside to go through your financial matters, chalking out a plan can help you overcome this situation and save your marriage. If these solutions don’t help, you can talk to a financial advisor or a marriage counsellor.